Sunday, March 6, 2011

Moods & apologies

'As taxing as it is mentally and physically, I know that it is so worth it for those few moments on stage!'
Jennifer DiDonato - Figure Competitor

When I originally read this I was unsure as to what could be mentally taxing - I mean I get the physical side but mentally?  Really?  This was a question I asked myself and today that question was answered...I hit the mental breaking point.  Maybe it was the news that our dog died, (R.I.P Sergeant Pepper)  We had 16 wonderful years with him and it had been really tough leaving him in NM with my Mother and Sister in law when we moved to Japan...but I knew that he just wouldn't make the trip and did not want to have him suffer that stress and possibly die en route - but that didn't make it any easier leaving him.  He was our first child, having a pet before we decided to have children to ensure that we would be able to handle kids - and a kid is exactly what he became...our four legged one but our child just the same.  Or maybe it was just that I was tired - yes, yesterday was a rest day but I had a hard training week the week before and had gotten up for Cardio at 4:30 this morning.  Needless to say by the time I got to the gym to meet my trainer and the gals I work out with I was moody.  No, that's an understatement.  I was Mrs. BEOTCH - yes I am pretty sure it is all caps here.  I tried not to be...really I did but it just wasn't my day to let things roll off my back.  I was short with the girls, snapped at them when they said something and by the end of the session I was so done I barely said good-bye to them.  All I wanted to do was get in the shower and head to my pedi appointment where I could close everything out and just not worry about anything - it was time to check out before I had to pick up the kids from school, get homework done and then prep for soccer practice.  On top of those things, it's been rainy and ugly today, cold and dreary I know did not help my cause today. 

But those are excuses - or so I am telling myself as I write this post...but I also wonder are they really excuses or is it something else.  I am so dedicated to this competition now, the money invested has been more than what I originally thought and though I am not complaining about that because I am in the best shape of my life and only getting better...I mention it because I feel as that even though I am so committed to this, I am not sure that the gals I'm training with are and so I have to take that step back and remind myself that: Yes, I am training for a competition - the girls that are with me during my sessions with Shelly are not.  They are not going to take it as seriously as I am, they are not on a strict diet, they are not doing much more than the hour we spend at the gym with Shelly...So don't hold it against them....but in the same turn, I don't want to have my money wasted; I want to get every moment of the limited hour I have with my trainer to push me further than I want to push myself - that's what I'm investing not only my money in but my time and my self.  I look at my pictures and see how far I have come in the past weeks and it excites me....yet I realize too how far I still have yet to go to be able to actually look good next to all the other women that will be on stage with me come that first weekend in June - SO I will make that hour what I can and push myself on the days that I am not with Shelly just as hard...that is the commitment I am making to myself now.  And then we'll see where it takes me for next month .

I am going to continue to work to the acheivement of this goal and though I may not place (or then again maybe I will) either way it's going to take all the rest of everything I have got and I am going to work harder not only in the gym to get my body in shape, but I am going to also work hard on Mrs. BEOTCH to ensure that I don't lose my friends along with all this fat.  I will need them along with my family to cheer me on, keep my motivation up and most likely give me that pep talk when it comes time to don that suit and walk across that stage. (YIKES!)

So, moody, temperamental, bitchy...I may still be those but I am promising everyone now that I will try and keep it to a minimum and instead direct those feelings to my workout, taking it out on the weights and cardio machines as I continue in this training the last 90 days.

Whew - even just typing about it here has me feeling so much better.  Thank you for allowing me to rant - I did warn you when I started this post that it would be about the good the bad and the ugly....this is part of it ;)  In the words of  Jennifer DiDonato I say to really will be worth it all for those few moments on stage!

And with that I give you this last quote of the post:
"Before you begin a thing remind yourself that difficulties and delays quite impossible to foresee are ahead...You can only see one thing clearly, and that is your goal. Form a mental vision of that and cling to it through thick and thin." - Unknown
I really do appreciate all the support and words of encouragement that you have given me - it is so uplifting as well to know that I am inspiring so many of you to get yourselves in shape too. 


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